An already-tense White House was plunged further into chaos during an emergency meeting Friday morning, reports an anonymous source who overheard the conversation while performing routine maintenance on the President’s Diet Coke button.

Rather than rushing to get their story straight before a press conference addressing any of the administration’s ongoing public relations crises or hastily applying gold leaf to a fake plant, however, aides were poring over a victory speech to be delivered at Sunday’s 98th Academy Awards by none other than the First Lady, Melania Trump.

The Oscars remarks, prepared in anticipation of awards for Mrs. Trump’s recent documentary debut, were apparently divisive from the very beginning, opening with a relatable anecdote about living in Chicago with her husband when he was still a State Senator, before either of them ever dreamed that they........

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