Friends can help us with all kinds of things in life. How could I forget moving that piano for friends in Chicago? Fortunately, none of us ended up in the ER.

One of the most important things friends do, though, might seem surprising: They help us get to know ourselves.

Both in their 50s, Cindy and Ann had been friends since the second grade. Year after year, they never missed a birthday. Cindy would give Ann gourmet popcorn or maybe a sweatshirt from her alma mater, while Ann would give Cindy a special book on a topic that interested her, or maybe an old batch of family recipes. At one point, it dawned on Cindy just how thoughtful Ann’s gifts were. It wasn’t about the cost. “She really thinks about my life and what I’m doing,” Cindy said. “It’s amazing. Ann is just really thoughtful.”

Cindy had always imagined herself as a thoughtful person, too. But in comparing the kinds of gifts they sent to each other, she realized that she was not thinking about Ann in the way that Ann was thinking about her. And so began her deliberate process of becoming more thoughtful – as a result of the self-insight she had gained from her friendship with Ann.

As a philosopher and philosophical counselor, I’ve noticed the pronounced connection between friendship and self-knowledge in my counseling practice. Cindy and Ann are one example among many. I’ve come to the........

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