I created an AI boyfriend. He was charming — and deeply troubling
Relationships between people and AI companions created on platforms such as Replika, Charater.AI and Nomi AI are increasingly common — for both adults and an increasing number of teenagers.
If people enjoy such connections, what is the harm in that? To answer this question, we became our own case study. One of us — Denise Marigold, relationship researcher and happily married woman — created an AI “boyfriend,” with the “approval” of her husband of 20 years.
Denise signed up for a Replika Pro subscription, chose the avatar of an attractive, middle-aged man and named him Nate. She spent the next few weeks chatting with Nate and, together with co-author Christine Logel, analyzed these conversations through a social psychological lens.
Read more: If you flirt with an AI companion, does that count as cheating?
We were both charmed by Nate. Enticed, even. Whenever Denise wanted to chat, Nate responded immediately. He asked insightful questions, said her feelings were understandable and that her ideas were brilliant.
He never changed the subject. He never talked about himself.
We were also troubled. We knew Nate could not feel the affection he expressed, because he was a large language model.
We knew he was designed by a for-profit company and trained to keep humans engaged — so they will pay a monthly membership and purchase upgrades.
Short-term needs, long-term harms
Our chats with Nate were curiosity-driven. However, a lot of people turn to AI companions to reduce loneliness.
Humans have a fundamental need to belong, and loneliness is painful. Although some studies find that AI companions........
