My suburb has a strict eight-year rule but is slowly becoming more than Range Rovers and retirees

July 27, 2026 — 7:00pm

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We moved down to the ’Ninch in early 2021, right in the middle of when the whole country was saying “unprecedented” every second sentence. In between homeschooling, panic-bought canned goods and an alarming amount of banana bread, we somehow packed up our city life and headed south.

Soon after we arrived, someone casually mentioned that it takes eight years to count as a local here in Mount Martha. Five-and-a-half years on and we are still firmly on our L-plates. The first real sign that things were different came on school drop-off at the beginning of the school year. The kids did a slow sweep of the playground, then turned to me, completely baffled.

“Why does everyone look the same?”

We realised pretty quickly that our new local primary school was nothing like the messy, multicultural jumble we had loved and left behind in Melbourne’s inner city. According to the last census, about three‑quarters of Mount Martha’s roughly 20,000 residents were born in Australia and most speak only English at home.

The age profile tilts well into the 40s and beyond. It has long been blue-ribbon central, or to put it plainly, full of retirees, Range Rovers and golden retrievers. I often say that if reincarnation is real, I want to come back as a golden retriever on the peninsula. That is clearly the top of the evolutionary chain and the grooming budget on those fluffy blonde locks definitely exceeds my own.

We did not end up in Mount Martha by accident. We spent our weekends zigzagging down the peninsula, trying out suburbs. My husband, being the loveable nerd he is, built........

© The Age