We interrupt the self-immolation of America to bring you a reminder that it is, once again, tax season. I know you’re as excited as I am to sift through ornate forms, boot up Microsoft Excel, and ask your spouse, “Honey what’s ‘herbaldanceLLC’ and why did we pay them $52.87 in March of last year?” But before you run off to sharpen your pencil in a fit of unbridled giddiness, I have to issue this brief public service announcement:

Get an accountant. A real accountant.

I know that sounds like a no-brainer to some of the people reading this column. However, American taxpayers like you and me have been conditioned, for decades, to believe that a professional CPA isn’t necessary when you can simply do them yourself. This train of thought was incepted into the popular consciousness by retail accounting giants Intuit, the makers of TurboTax, and H&R Block. Those firms have consistently lobbied DC lawmakers to NOT allow the IRS to provide citizens with its own free filing software online. President Joe Biden remedied this problem by introducing IRS Direct File in 2024, but that didn’t stop Intuit and Block from lobbying our current Republican fascist overlords to get rid of it, which they did for 2026.

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So we already know these firms are evil. At the very least, they don’t come across like folks eager to save Americans money. But to feed into the illusion that they actually care about you, Intuit is launching its own line of Capital One Café-style storefronts for TurboTax, to give the product a more personal touch. From the company’s news release:

“This isn’t just another tax store; it is the physical manifestation of our AI HI strategy, a modern space where our AI and local human expertise converge to provide trusted, personalized guidance. We are providing the antidote to tax-related stress and anxiety to give filers year-round control, complete confidence, and better financial outcomes.”

The presence of “AI” in that statement is discouraging, because artificial intelligence is poison.........

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