Cushioning in relationships: Psychiatrist on how it differs from harmless flirting and ways to rebuild trust | Exclusive

Keeping a romantic backup in a relationship is called cushioning. In an exclusive communication to News9 Digital, Dr Sharadhi C explains the warning signs and fixes. Learn more about it here.

New Delhi: Keeping someone on the side as a romantic fallback while in a committed relationship has a name: cushioning. It can be as subtle as regular flirting or emotional closeness with another person, without the partner knowing, and it is often mistaken for ordinary friendship. Social media and dating apps have made such connections easier to maintain, leaving many couples unsure where harmless chat ends and betrayal begins.

In an exclusive communication to News9 Digital, Dr Sharadhi C, Consultant, Psychiatry, Aster CMI Hospital, Bangalore, explains what cushioning means, why people do it, the signs to watch for, its emotional impact and how couples can talk about it, rebuild trust or seek help. Read here.

Cushioning in relationships: What a psychiatrist wants couples to know

Q: What is cushioning in a relationship?

Dr Sharadhi: Cushioning is when a person in a committed relationship maintains connections with other people as potential romantic alternatives in case their current relationship does not work out. These connections may involve regular flirting, emotional intimacy or keeping someone interested without making their intentions clear.

Q: How is cushioning different from ordinary friendship or harmless flirting?

Dr Sharadhi: It differs from ordinary friendship because the underlying intention is to preserve a romantic backup option. Healthy friendships are generally transparent and respect relationship boundaries. Harmless flirting, depending on the couple’s understanding, may not necessarily indicate disloyalty. Cushioning becomes concerning when someone deliberately creates emotional alternatives while hiding their intentions from their partner.

Q: What fears or insecurities drive people to cushion their partners?

Dr Sharadhi: People may engage in cushioning because they fear rejection, loneliness or the uncertainty of being single. For some, having another person interested in them provides reassurance, validation and a sense of security. Others may struggle with commitment or have difficulty dealing with emotional vulnerability. Past experiences of abandonment, betrayal or unsuccessful relationships can also influence this behaviour.

Q: Is insecurity the only reason behind cushioning?

Dr Sharadhi: In some cases, people want to maintain the comfort of their current relationship while exploring other possibilities. However, cushioning is not always driven by insecurity. Sometimes it reflects emotional immaturity, a need for attention or an unwillingness to communicate honestly about dissatisfaction.

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