US News Metro Long Island Politics

Sports NFL MLB Olympics NBA NHL College Football College Basketball WNBA

Entertainment TV Movies Music Celebrities Awards Theater

Lifestyle Weird But True Sex & Relationships Viral Trends Human Interest Parenting Fashion & Beauty Food & Drink Travel

Health Wellness Fitness Health Care Medicine Men’s Health Women’s Health Mental Health Nutrition

Science Space Environment Wildlife Archaeology

Today’s Paper Covers Columnists Horoscopes Crosswords & Games Sports Odds Podcasts Careers

Email Newsletters Official Store Home Delivery Tips

Switch between CA and NY editions here.

Campus rape is every mom’s nightmare — and demands a response

See more of our coverage in your search results.

Four reported rapes in three weeks at Cal State San Marcos. Seven fraternity members accused of drugging and raping a Cornell student.

As a mother of four daughters, I read those accounts and think: That could be my child.

Then I think about conversations I have already heard. My daughters and their friends have talked about being at parties where a guy touches them inappropriately, but they don’t want to make a big deal out of it. About finding themselves in situations they want to leave, only to discover how difficult leaving can feel.

I hear those stories and get stuck on one question: Why does a young woman feel responsible for keeping everyone comfortable, when someone has made her uncomfortable?

As a mother, that is painful to sit with. I want my daughters to be confident, independent, and open to the world. I also want them to recognize danger.

Holding those hopes together is one of the hardest parts of watching them grow up. And it has made me examine the lessons girls absorb, including the ones we never mean to teach. Be polite. Don’t embarrass anyone. Don’t overreact.

Then a boy crosses a boundary, and somehow the girl is left deciding whether objecting would make her difficult. “Boys will be boys” gives boys permission to act inappropriately and hands girls the burden of managing the consequences. I........

© New York Post