Couples Therapists On The 'Number One Reason' Marriages Crash And Burn

They’ve seen it all. Here’s what tends to spell the end for a relationship.

Parents editor at HuffPost UK

In the UK, about four in 10 marriages end in divorce – and, per Woolley & Co solicitors, the most common reasons for this include unreasonable behaviour, infidelity and affairs, and a lack of communication or emotional connection.

That’s what people put down on paper, anyway. But what do therapists attribute to most marital break-downs?

We asked four experts to weigh in.

1. Loss of emotional connection

For Dr Rachel Needle, a psychologist and co-founding director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, the number one reason marriages break down is due to a “gradual loss of emotional connection”.

“Money and sex are often the issues couples argue about, but underneath those arguments are questions about trust, fairness, feeling wanted, and whether their needs matter to their partner,” she told HuffPost UK.

“I hear it in the small things couples describe like asking for the same help over and over, or sharing something important and hardly getting [a] response.”

Over time, she said, it can lead to people feeling “very alone” in their marriage.

“It’s really about not feeling heard and not feeling validated which leads to a loss of feeling connection,” she said. “When you are disconnected, something that wouldn’t be as big of a deal suddenly becomes a huge deal and the cause of arguments.”

In practice, she’ll hear of how one partner will spend months or even years reaching out, saying what’s bothering them, and asking for something to change – and when nothing shifts, they eventually stop asking.

“Instead, they begin grieving the marriage while they’re still in it, and some quietly start planning their way out,” she explained.

“By the time they leave, a lot of their grieving is already done. At the same time, their partner, who may have thought the silence meant peace, is blindsided and only starts grieving once it’s over. “

How to prevent a loss of connection in your marriage

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