I’m An Adult Film Star. I’m Done Hiding What I Need The Money For, Even If It Makes People Uncomfortable

“I’ve stopped trying to keep my two lives in separate boxes. It’s exhausting, and honestly, it’s dishonest.”

The notification came through while I was having dinner in the backyard with some friends. Someone had donated to my fundraiser. Every donation gives me a little jolt, but this one was for more than $700.

I didn’t recognise the name of the donor. It was a woman, and she hadn’t left a note. No “love your work”, no “for the animals”, nothing to tell me why. Just the money. I stared at my phone while the conversation carried on around me, and I couldn’t stop wondering where she’d found me – and which version of me she’d found.

There are two of me online. One is Dr Charlie Forde, a veterinarian with a background in emergency medicine who is raising money to help a farm animal sanctuary.

The other is Charlie Forde, adult film performer. Same face, same person. Depending on who’s looking, I’m either someone you’d trust with your dog’s life or someone you’d rather your kids didn’t Google.

Veterinarians are some of the most trusted people in society. When I tell someone at a party I’m a vet, their face softens. They tell me about their childhood cat. They ask whether they should be worried about the lump on their Labrador. People assume I’m kind, patient and good.

When I tell someone I’m an adult performer, the reaction can be very different. When I was on a dating show for a vertical video app and came out about my job, the man I was with jumped off the bed and backed away to the farthest wall. He held his hands up in front of him like a cross and told me over and over that I was disgusting, as if saying it enough times would exorcise the whore out of me.

I was the same woman I’d been five minutes earlier. The same woman who has sat on a clinic floor, more times than I........

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