You Can Learn To Be A Better Conversationalist. Here's How.

From conversation starters to navigating the dreaded awkward silence, you can overcome this skills issue.

You have to admit that many of us have lost the art of conversation. It’s easy to point to our phones and social media as the main culprits. The effects of COVID didn’t help either. Even the growing acceptance of introversion plays a role.

But becoming a better conversationalist is a skill that could benefit many of us. It requires curiosity, genuine interest and a willingness to connect — qualities that not only strengthen your social skills but also lead to more meaningful interactions.

Recently, I attended a cooking class, and my station was next to a woman who was far more adept at cutting and slicing and dicing than I was. I wanted to engage with her — for a moment I thought about asking how she became so good at her knife skills, and then thought better of it. Ultimately, I didn’t end up talking to her. I told myself all sorts of excuses — she was busy, she didn’t want to be interrupted — but really, it was because I got in my head about how to start small talk. Basically, I didn’t want to sound like an idiot.

According to psychologist Dr. Ashley Smith, my reaction is completely normal. “It’s that sense of awkwardness that is the biggest barrier for a lot of people when it comes to small talk, starting conversations, or just connecting and networking,” she said. “For a lot of people, awkwardness triggers anxiety, so we need to break that connection. Doing so allows people to feel awkward without fear or nervousness.”

The real goal, said Smith, is to learn to tolerate awkwardness — and that takes intentional practice: “The best way to overcome any fear is to face it. In this case, that boils down to taking small steps by doing things that feel a little awkward to you. That could be saying hello to strangers as you pass them, asking questions of sales clerks at stores, or asking servers, baristas or Uber drivers questions,” she said. “The goal is just to get used to putting yourself out there. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Anxiety will go down, and your threshold for awkwardness will increase, meaning that it will take more of it to make you uncomfortable.”

One of the biggest misconceptions about conversation, said Kati Morton, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is that........

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