Kevin McKenna imagines John Swinney's keynote speech at the SNP conference this week

The SNP is having its annual conference in Aberdeen this weekend, which means it’s time to talk about Scottish independence again.

Ahead of the event, John Swinney has laid out his new strategy. The First Minister said: “The SNP’s got a very bold agenda to set out and to explain to the public at conference. But we’ve also, I think, turned the corner on the independence argument where we are now in a completely different situation.”

Under the SNP, the journey to independence has turned more corners than Jackie Stewart. I’ve been a key student of SNP leaders’ keynote speeches for many years. And so, in a spirit of public service, I’ve sketched out what Mr Swinney will say so that you don’t have to sit through it:

“Delegates; I’m here to talk about independence. If necessary, I will continue to talk about independence until the cows come home (where they’ll be put to sleep in a humane way, having been given a palliative package that delivers the international gold standard in bovine end-of-life care).

“And so, I say this to you: the SNP will never stop talking about independence. We are the only party that can be relied upon to talk about independence.

“I want to tell you about a couple of experiences I had this week. On Tuesday, I sat down to watch Derry’s Girls. This is a hard-hitting, fly-on-the-wall documentary series about the perilous journey to peace and reconciliation in Northern Ireland.

“In one episode a man known only by his codename ‘Uncle Colm’ persuades the RUC........

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