Those churls who said that the World Cup’s expanded format would devalue it have all been proved wrong. Instead, the participation of nations like Curaçao, Panama and the Democratic Republic of Congo have enhanced the tournament. Long after the 23rd World Cup has finished, the exploits of Cape Verde will be as fondly recalled as the skills of Lionel Messi and Kylian Mbappé.

No one will remember that Scotland were ever here, apart from the citizens of Boston and Miami who might now consider an annual beer festival in honour of the Tartan Army. Indeed, Scotland’s kenspeckle travelling support has become a self-replicating organism now seen as distinct from its original roots and purpose. They have become world football’s party planners and really ought to consider marketing themselves like this. Need your tournament to proceed with an extra zip? Call Tartan Army Enterprises.

The market is wide open and ripe for exploitation. Imagine you’re trying to drum up local enthusiasm and sponsorship for your inaugural Baltic States Under-18 Women’s Football mini-festival, but the ticket sales are moving at a rather sedate pace. Just call the Tartan Army hotline and, for a reasonable fee (plus tented accommodation and travelling costs) a detachment of 500 Scots are yours for the entire tournament to add colour and beery bonhomie to your tourney. (Obviously, that number could be increased depending on how grand you want your event to be.)

There must literally be hundreds of such football fiestas taking place across the world which the Tartan Army could enliven with their vivid expressions of cultural harmony. Surely the Scottish Government could siphon off some of the funds it hands to the annual Pitlochry celebration of Being Alan Cumming and........

© Herald Scotland