Ask Janice - 'My ex thinks he is my daughter's dad …. but he’s not’

My ex is demanding to see my 10-year-old daughter, but he isn’t her dad.

He assumed he was when I got pregnant and I went along with it to make life easier all round.

We split a few months ago and he wants to have regular contact with her, but I want to move on with my daughter without him.

This lie has gone on long enough.

Your totally selfish decision was wrong on every level.

Deceit for your own gain is bad enough, but to let a man be a dad to a child for 10 years and then withdraw his parenthood completely is cruel.

Your ex is the only dad your daughter knows and loves, so how will she adjust to suddenly losing this huge part of her young life?

Knowing her biological dad could be a medical necessity for your daughter, and whilst there is no specific law that forces you to reveal the identity of her biological father, morally and ethically it is the right thing to do, if in fact, you know who he is.

In Scotland, if he is named on her birth certificate, she can access this when she is 16.

relationships-scotland.org.uk; provides family mediation to help parents make decisions that put the child’s needs first.

So, for once, do just that.

Contact them and start the ball of truth rolling for everyone’s good.

I’ve dated since I was 16 and had two long-term relationships, which I ended, but now at 44, I’m still single and feel lonely and depressed.

Everywhere I look, there are happy lovey-dovey couples, whereas I feel lost and wish I had a soul mate.

Online dating was a disaster, so no point in suggesting that.

Where do I go from here?

At 44, being single can feel like a weight as our marital and biological clocks are ticking, and it is exhausting when you’ve put everything into a relationship that hasn’t worked out, and you feel you are back at square one.

But you’re not... because you now have the advantage of relationship experience and can value quality over quantity.

It also means you haven’t settled and now have higher standards than you did in your 20s.

Hating your single life creates a sense of urgency and desperation, which is as off-putting as chewing your toenails at dinner… every potential partner will run for the hills!

When you realise you are financially and emotionally unwavering and independent, you’ll choose a partner out of want and not need.

So, shift your focus from craving a partner to being self-centred and self-indulgent, and when you start to relish your new single life, things will change.

Join a hiking group, a professional networking group, or whatever you enjoy, because you want to meet a partner whose lifestyle aligns with yours.

But for now, live for the happy, single, confident lady in the mirror, and the rest will follow.

Got a question for our agony aunt?

Email askjanice@glasgowtimes.co.uk.

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