I put my arm around a colleague’s shoulder. Was I being inappropriate?

July 2, 2026 — 11:30am

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I’ve been reading about the encounter between Matthew Guy and Moira Deeming, and it has brought back memories from my own work history.

I was working in a supervisory position and a junior staff member came to me and confided that they were struggling with a difficult family situation. They became upset. I had always thought that in a workplace, shaking hands is as far as touching should go between colleagues, but felt such sympathy for the person that I lightly put my arm around their shoulder.

They immediately said, “Don’t do that”, and walked away. I was mortified. I had hoped to console them, but had instead made them feel uncomfortable. Later, I apologised and asked if we could talk about what had happened. They said they didn’t want to.

Since then, I have been ultra-cautious about interactions with colleagues. I don’t blame my former colleague at all, but I do think the moment has made me a less warm and open manager. Is there an etiquette I should have known about and can follow in the future?

I asked Dr Andrew Dhaenens, a senior lecturer in management and leadership at RMIT, about your email. He told me that there’s a long and deep academic........

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