Should we laugh more at ourselves? It's complicated

Research shows it's sometimes good for us to poke fun at ourselves, but not always. Here's how to harness the benefits, while avoiding the pitfalls.

Why do some schoolchildren become outcasts?

In the 1990s, psychologists set out to investigate why some kids were excluded by their peers. They discovered two archetypes. Some of the rejected children were bullying and aggressive. Others were meek and subservient. Both shared one quality: an inability to take a joke. 

The first group was responded to teasing with anger or violence, while the second felt wounded and withdrew. Both interpreted the intended humour as an insult, something that couldn't possibly be in good faith. More socially assured kids, on the other hand, shrugged off teasing, or were amused by it.

Whether we can laugh at ourselves can clearly have consequences from an early age. 

Studies show that throughout life, a more light-hearted and humorous outlook on life is better for your mental health, relationships and overall prospects. Still, opinion on whether it is a good idea to laugh at yourself specifically has long been divided.

Now, though, researchers are finally beginning to understand the nuance of what it really means to poke fun at ourselves – and when and how it might be beneficial.

Is it even possible to laugh at yourself? Plato didn't think so. The Ancient Greek philosopher believed that humour was triggered by feeling superior to others – particularly those who delusionally believe they are better-looking or wiser than they really are.

More than 1,000 years later, in 1651, English philosopher Thomas Hobbes largely agreed. The exception – when people were occasionally able to laugh at themselves – was when reflecting on a past foolishness, which demonstrated how much worldlier they had become in the interim.

Eventually, philosophers began to allow that not all humour was motivated by spite. In the 18th Century, for example, the popular "incongruity theory" proposed that hilarity often results from an unexpected violation of social norms.

Still, whether people can actually laugh at themselves remained a contentious topic right up until recent times. Most humour research from the past 50 years has relied on asking people if they can laugh at themselves and taking their word for it. But like the weekly units of alcohol people confess to on doctors' forms, there was a possibility that the reports were a little aspirational. Perhaps people weren't quite as sporting as they claimed.

In 2011, though, European researchers tested the ability using an experimental set-up instead. They invited test subjects into the lab and covertly videotaped their faces. When they next came in, the subjects were presented with distorted, fun-house mirror style images of their faces, and their reactions were recorded. Not everyone was amused, but 80% at least smiled when unexpectedly encountering the image. Forty per cent were extra tickled and laughed aloud.

"Now the science is quite settled that yes, it is possible to laugh at oneself, and there are actually quite numerous benefits associated with that," says Sonja Heintz, a lecturer in psychology at Plymouth University, UK, who researches humour.

Being able to laugh at yourself is one of the most challenging types of humour to master, claimed influential American humour researcher Paul McGhee in 2010.

In McGhee's seven-step humour programme (targeted at those suffering "terminal seriousness" like Plato), learning to laugh at oneself was the penultimate step – second only in difficulty to "finding humour in stressful situations." 

McGhee saw laughing at yourself as the gateway to other types of humour; a "core component" of a more mirthful existence. "Because if someone takes themselves very seriously, it's difficult to engage in humour in general," explains Heintz.  

Some find self-mockery easier to master than others. If you really hate people laughing at you, you could be a gelotophobe – someone with an acute sensitivity to laughter. "You might be sitting in a cafe and joking with your friends, and someone might approach you and ask, why did you laugh at me?" says René Proyer, psychology professor at Martin Luther University Halle-Wittenberg in Germany. For gelotophobes, even a smile can indicate their interlocutor thinks them a ridiculous person. 

There is no one factor explaining why one might become a gelotophobe, but Proyer says that a very strict and punishing style of parenting is one risk factor. Another is an early traumatic experience of having been laughed at. "So a really embarrassing........

© BBC