A spoon that has little fork-like tines on the end is called, by most normal people, a “spork,” which I think we can all agree is a terrible-sounding word.

At best, the word “spork” sounds awkward and unsophisticated, a utensil used in institutional cafeterias and bus station snack bars. At worst, it sounds like some kind of bumpy skin growth. “His face was covered with oozing, flame-red sporks.” That sort of thing.

TIPS FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON

There is another word for spork, by the way. If you had a certain kind of childhood, you know to call a spork by its proper name, which is “runcible spoon.” But even if you didn’t, it’s time we all brought “runcible spoon” back into circulation. I know we all have lofty resolutions and plans for 2024, but mine is refreshingly specific and small-bore. I want to resurrect the “runcible spoon.”

It just sounds better, don’t you think? It’s got a vaguely stuffy Downton Abbey vibe to it but it also sounds jaunty........

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