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How to figure out your finances after a breakup

It’s not just about budgeting, but how you want your money to make you feel in this new phase of life.

Nobody tells you how expensive breaking up is. (Or maybe they did and I didn’t want to hear it.) Overnight, your expenses soar, your safety net vanishes, your financial goals shift from long-term dreams into short-term survival. You might need to pack up and move unexpectedly, purchase furniture you didn’t budget for. Your dollars went further when two people contributed to the rent, the bills, the groceries, the dinners out. Now, you must recalibrate from a financial “we” to a sole earner “me.”

When marriages dissolve, there is a clearer roadmap for how to divvy up shared assets, guided by the laws of your state, attorneys, and mediators, according to financial therapist Amanda Clayman. Unmarried couples are largely on their own to navigate the breakup process despite sometimes being just as financially intertwined.

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Breakups are immensely painful on their own, but with the additional challenge of sorting out your new financial reality, the transition can be even more difficult. Getting your financial life together post-breakup goes beyond budgeting and is just as much about how you want your money to make you feel in this new phase of life. “Let there be a relationship between data and emotion,” Clayman says, “because data often surfaces emotion, and that’s not an enemy in this process.”

Take stock and make an exit plan

If the breakup was acrimonious and you are concerned about your ex draining a joint bank account, you may want to remove your share of the funds, Clayman says, and you should close all shared accounts once you’ve both removed your portions of the money. (You might consider taking your money out before breaking up if you don’t feel confident your partner will honor an equitable split.)

In order to divide your shared funds, you’ll need a clear picture of the extent to which you and your ex’s finances are merged. Go through two months of personal and joint bank statements and make a list of all the subscriptions, plans, loans, and accounts you share with your ex. This may include........

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