Plenty of single people have witnessed how curiosity dies in real time: It happens seated across from a first date who doesn’t seem interested in asking you a question. Or, maybe worse, it happens when you’re the person who has no questions for someone who seemed like a promising potential crush.

The wildest thing about these bleak anti-meet cutes is that no one does this on purpose. No one wants to go on bad dates; few people think of themselves as apathetic conversationalists. Yet, all across this big world, lousy encounters continue.

What gives?

According to experts, the most important thing for a dater to be is curious about the person they’re meeting. That can be surprisingly hard, in part because many people show up to coffee or drinks knowing too much. There’s Google, for one thing — a surefire way to take the mystery out of any stranger — and then there are the apps that might have helped you find the date in the first place. With their computer algorithms touting compatibility, swiping has flattened our romantic interest. This isn’t to say that people didn’t go on bad dates before the rise of Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid, but those platforms aren’t as helpful as they seem for actually connecting. Maybe that’s why a reported 1.4 million people left the apps last year.

Maintaining some air of in-person wonder is absolutely vital to getting to know another person for real. Here’s how you can keep the joy of meeting people alive, including what to ask.

Why curiosity matters so much to dating

“I say ‘curious’ more than any other word when I’m with my clients,” Alexandra Solomon, a psychologist and author who teaches at Northwestern University and specializes in relationships, tells me. Solomon explained that whether you’re on a first date or in the 27th year of a marriage, being keen on a partner’s life — their thoughts, emotions, their day-to-day — is integral to healthy relationships. Solomon said that over her nine hours of therapeutic sessions with clients on the day we........

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