Everyone’s laughing at my president, Donald J. Trump, because he cast a mail-in ballot for a March 24 special election in Florida. They think it’s funny that the GOP candidate he endorsed, in a district that contains the president’s Mar-a-Lago resort, lost.

They find it hilarious that Trump, who has bravely and boldly and incessantly criticized mail-in voting and suggesting it was “Rigged,” just went ahead and voted that way anyway, even though the polls were open when he was in Florida.

Well, hah-hah-hah, you chuckling losers. Very funny. Once again, you’ve proved your own ignorance.

Trump used mail-in voting to PROVE that mail-in voting is fraudulent!

Is Trump pushing the SAVE Act, which would make it much harder to vote by mail, like a man facing an existential crisis? Yes. Did he say the day before the Florida special election, “I call it mail-in cheating”? Also yes.

Has Trump, in the past, said mail-in voting is the only way Democrats can win? Affirmative.

But guess what, laughers? What you see as a spectacular and deeply hypocritical failure in the Florida election is just another example of Trump playing 3-D chess.

By using the very voting method he has lambasted and then seeing the Republicans lose, Trump proved himself right! He used "FRAUDULENT" mail-in voting and the Democrat won. In order to show Americans what mail-in cheating really looks like, the president had to mail-in cheat.

Trump doesn't need 'evidence' or 'data' to prove mail-in voting is cheating

Trump has not made it clear how all this mail-in cheating happens, presumably because it's cloaked in a cloud of left-wing secrecy. Nor has he explained why no one has found significant fraud through years of mail-in balloting. 

A Brookings analysis of voter fraud concluded that there are “four cases of mail voting fraud out of every 10 million mail votes.”

The conservative Heritage Foundation maintains a voter fraud database, and it shows only 387 cases of “fraudulent use of absentee ballots” in elections going back to 1982.

That all seems suspicious, mainly because I don’t trust “data” and I do trust President Trump when he posts things on social media like this, from 2025: “ELECTIONS CAN NEVER BE HONEST WITH MAIL IN BALLOTS/VOTING, and everybody, IN PARTICULAR THE DEMOCRATS, KNOWS THIS. I, AND THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, WILL FIGHT LIKE HELL TO BRING HONESTY AND INTEGRITY BACK TO OUR ELECTIONS.”

I mean, the man used all-caps. It simply must be serious.

Just because there's no evidence of mail-in ballot fraud ... shut up!!!

Trump wrote in that same post: “We are now the only Country in the World that uses Mail-In Voting.”

Some libs out there claim that’s false because, according to the International Institute for Democracy and Electoral Assistance, there are more than 30 countries that allow mail-in voting.

Well, guess what, dummies, Trump was just rounding down to zero, which is what any true American would do when confronted with a number lower than 50. Duh.

Anyway, the so-called embarrassment the president should be feeling over what looks like a hypocritical mail-in vote in an election in his own front yard that his preferred candidate wound up losing is … wait, sorry, I lost my train of thought.

Oh yeah. President Trump’s clever vote-by-mail gambit in Florida proved once again that he’s always right. This election was rigged because the person Trump wanted to win didn’t win, and Trump’s mail-in vote was part of the rigging, and we know this despite a complete lack of evidence because … well … reasons.

It all makes sense if you don’t think about it.

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk

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