One of the strangest things about cultural and political discourse today is that everyone is pushed to pick a side. Tribalism is enforced. Nowhere is that more evident than in how women judge each other’s choices about work, marriage and motherhood.

When it comes to politics and economics, I lean conservative, unabashedly so. But when it comes to cultural issues, like marriage and family, I'm actually a bit more nuanced. I don’t fit the typical conservative female mold, especially compared with online commentators. That’s fine with me. It should be fine with everyone, but it isn’t.

A segment on the March 30 episode of "The View" illustrates this dynamic. Several of the liberal cohosts criticized another conservative woman, Isabel Brown, on their show for speaking up about traditional views on marriage and motherhood. Brown fought back − and rightly so.

It’s a necessary conversation, but the way it unfolds is often frustrating. I get tired of liberal women attacking and smearing conservative women for their views. But the answer isn’t for conservative women to push a single message: that women are only valuable if they fully embrace conservative views.

'The View' piles on a conservative woman

Several cohosts from the ABC daytime talk show smeared Brown, a 28-year-old influencer and married mother of a 1-year-old child, for comments she made March 26 at the Conservative Political Action Conference.

Brown said it was "high time" to start "encouraging your children to grow up and have the courage to get married and have kids ‒ more kids than they can afford before they think they're ready."

These are standard conservative views. It’s unclear why the women of "The View" were so shocked, but they made it clear they were.

"I think it’s just really reckless to be suggesting that people should have more children when you now know in this country there’s this affordability crisis," cohost Sunny Hostin said.

Cohost Sara Haines didn't love Brown's comments, either, though she had a different reason: "My ultimate beef with this is that it wraps a woman’s worth up in her ovaries in a way that, for too long, has happened. The whole women’s movement was not about bucking the trend of staying at home or loving tradition. It was giving women a choice to do what they wanted."

I didn't enjoy hearing the women of the view blast another woman, just for being more conservative, but I did think Haines' comments about choice were a window into a deeper conversation. Both sides claim to defend women’s choices, yet both often punish women who choose differently.

Women on the right and left go too far

I think women on the right and left tend to go too far on this issue. It's cruel for progressives to blast conservative women who encourage others to focus on just getting married and having kids. It's still their choice. But conservatives are making a mistake to tell women to primarily focus on just getting married young and having kids, and to judge women who wait a while, working or even doing all of those things at once.

I am a mother of four and have loved being a mom. I am not shy about encouraging women to have babies. I was a "Tradwife" once ‒ a married mother working in the home. It's a lovely arrangement when the marriage is strong and built on mutual respect.

I'm divorced now. I believe in marriage and family, but unlike many conservatives, I also believe those choices shouldn’t be reduced to a single formula or timeline.

For those of us in the middle, it can be a bit lonely. Lisa Boothe, a commentator for Fox News, addressed this on March 31 on "Outnumbered."

"Families are beautiful and, of course, are important. But God has a different path for everyone, and a woman can still have purpose in life with or without children," Boothe also posted on X. "It is personal for everyone, and I think that gets lost in conservative conversations. Also, most women statistically have to work because a single income is not enough, and many enjoy it."

Boothe articulates something I have often felt. Conservatives are right to push for marriage and kids. Society needs healthy, strong families. I wish more liberal women respected that.

Even so, many women want or need to work, too, and they want to do that before or while raising families.

Until both sides are willing to respect women’s choices − all of them − this conversation isn’t going anywhere.

Nicole Russell is an opinion columnist with USA TODAY. She lives in Texas with her four kids. Sign up for her newsletter, The Right Track, and get it delivered to your inbox.

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