It’s only been a few days since you dropped me off, but you better come get me.

I’m writing to you with some paper and a pencil I borrowed, because the camp director confiscated my iPhone for watching funny dog videos during her “Camp Inclusion and Behavioral Expectations” speech.

By the way, what is “unsanctioned screen time aggression?”

Well, after she took my phone, she made me tell everyone my pronouns. When I said I prefer “they,” she asked me why.

I said “they” was more likely to get me extra dessert servings in the dining hall.

Boy, did that make her mad. She wanted to know if Daddy is a Republican.

By then, I was feeling homesick. I found a piece of wood and began carving a flute with the Swiss Army knife Grandpa gave me.

Well, one of the counselors yelled at me to “freeze.” He confiscated........

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