Those of us who were around during the Golden Age of Conservative Incorporated are having a good laugh right now watching the newbies freaking out over the insipid bleating of the GOP eunuchs. The guys with the groin of a Ken doll are at it again, with their high-pitched whining about how we are morally obligated to lose. I’m not talking about the ones who have formally jumped ship to The Bulwark or The Dispatch or Modern Pool Boy. I’m talking about the ones who still pretend to be Republican. I’m talking about the ones who still pretend to be conservative. I’m talking about the ones who are mortified to the core of their being by the thought that we might not fail.

It’s all so tiresome, but we Tea Party O.G.s have been here before and faced worse from these guys. Back in the day, these guys weren’t the annoying outliers. They were the annoying inliers, the guys running the show, the guys at the height of power who had their soft, girlish hands around the throat of the Republican Party. It took Donald Trump to pry them off and assert dominance with the kind of toxic masculinity these guys found both terrifying and, secretly, intriguing. You have to understand that they like being beaten, figuratively and, probably, literally. Check their browser histories at your own peril.

Yes, once the GOP was run by professional masochists, the guys who felt we had some moral obligation to manage America’s decline sensibly and like gentlemen. It took years and the election of Donald Trump to finally throw off that mindset. Remember that in 2016, the candidate who was decreed by the poobahs to be our nominee was Jeb! Bush. Apparently, Mitt Romney in 2012 had been too masculine, aggressive, and butch. They were going to remedy Mitt’s raging testosterone with W’s tubby bro. But we didn’t cooperate. When Jeb! informed us that legal immigration was an act of love, he was shocked to find that our minds immediately flashed to "Deliverance" instead of "The Bridges of Madison County." It became clear that the party was out of step with the people, so the people stepped up and cleared out the party.

As they say, this is why you got Trump.

But there were just........

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