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IIT Bombay tragedy shows how India’s shaming culture makes failure harder to bear

IIT Bombay student Sahil Wakode’s death has sparked a debate over caste and academic misconduct, but it also raises questions about the way society treats failure.

Sahil Wakode, a second-year BTech student in the Department of Energy Science and Engineering at IIT Bombay, died by suicide on September 18. Within days, however, his death became cannon fodder in another social media war.

Hours before his death, Sahil had allegedly been caught using ChatGPT on his phone during an examination. That incident has since become part of a larger controversy surrounding his death. His parents have alleged that he had complained of casteist remarks and harassment before his death, while a case involving alleged abetment of suicide and offences under the SC/ST Act has been registered. The circumstances surrounding his death are now being investigated.

Almost immediately, the debate divided into familiar camps. For some, this became entirely about caste. For others, it became about the cheating incident, the parents, or whether the professor was being unfairly blamed.

Maybe the investigation will eventually give us more answers about what exactly happened. I don’t know, and I don’t think people sitting on social media know either.

But nobody is asking the most important question: what makes a young person feel that one incident, one failure, one humiliation or one mistake can become so unbearable that death seems like the easier option?

When I look around, I see the enormous pressure we have created around being successful. A culture of comparison, expectations, and family honour; sometimes nothing remains individual anymore. It’s not simply about a failed exam; it’s about disappointing your parents. It’s not simply about making a mistake; it’s then thinking about log kya kahenge? You don’t simply succeed as an individual; the entire family owns a piece of your success.

That makes the price of failure too heavy to bear — shame, humiliation, fear of parents, fear of society, and the fear that everything you worked for is now over. These aspects fall within shame culture.

Not shame for dishonesty, or the kind of shame that stops us from doing something unethical or breaking social trust, but shame for failure, and that is where the problem lies.

Our families and communities often shame and isolate an individual for low performance instead of shaming someone for unethical behaviour.

Growing up across urban and rural India, I have seen this belief among many people, an unspoken truth: you are golden if you achieve success, by hook or by crook, as long as you don’t get caught. I have seen too many times how society can be more accepting of immorality when it comes with success.

Also Read: IIT Bombay: 2nd year student’s death by suicide triggers protest

When success excuses immorality

Don’t we see this with monetary success? Bribery and corruption are hardly unknown in our society, yet how many people actually end relationships with family members because they are corrupt or because their wealth comes through immoral means? How often does that person lose dignity within the family simply because everyone knows that the money was earned dishonestly? Rarely.

But haven’t we all seen the........

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