For a long time, I believed that the key to healing was having the right tool. The right breathing pattern. The right medication. The right grounding technique. The right therapist. The right mantra. The right step-by-step method for calming the storm happening inside me.

And at different points, those tools saved me.

During seasons of trauma, pregnancy, postpartum, and later on in my healing journey, tools gave me something to hold onto when everything inside me felt too big or too loud. I loved the feeling of having something practical to reach for. Something I could “do.” Something that made me feel like I had a bit of control.

I became very good at collecting tools.

Tools for anxiety.
Tools for overwhelm.
Tools for emotional spiraling.
Tools for the days when my body remembered something I didn’t want to remember.

But eventually, I encountered a moment no one warns you about:
the moment when the tools stop working.

Not because you’ve done something wrong, but because the tools were never meant to do the entire job.

I didn’t realize how much I relied on tools until one day, every tool I tried felt like I was bouncing off of........

© The Times of Israel (Blogs)