Earlier this year I went on a few dates with a guy recently out of a relationship who was focused on handling his anxious attachment style. He was in therapy, had taken up making sourdough bread, and was viciously going through Insecure in Love: How An Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It. These were green flags, by the way. We love a man focused on personal growth.

Therapy Guy asked me about my attachment style on our first date. I wasn’t sure how to define it. It’s never been that much of an issue for me. Thanks to therapy, I’ve determined I mostly have a secure attachment style with some anxious tendencies, which doesn’t mean I don’t spiral, but it does mean I come back from spiraling quickly. He was used to intensity.

Intensity can feel normal. Expected. An indicator of health. The absence of anxiety and drama sometimes leaves us wondering if the thing we’re pursuing can really be love. Our brain wants to........

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