There’s a strange kind of exhaustion that comes from living a “normal” life that isn’t actually normal at all.

On paper, my days look fine.

I wake up. I teach. I answer messages. I try to keep things moving.

From the outside, it might even look like I have my life together.

There’s this constant hum under everything—like your body forgot how to fully relax and just… gave up trying.

Because even on the quiet days, you’re not calm.

Waiting for the next siren.

The next “are you okay” text that comes after something already happened.

And the strangest part is—you don’t even realize how much you’re carrying until something small cracks it open.

The Illusion of “Fine”

People ask, “How are you?”

And most of the time, I say, “I’m fine.”

Because what’s the alternative—an honest answer in passing?

How do you explain that you’re functioning—but not okay?

That you’re teaching classes on Zoom while your brain is half-listening for sirens?

That your nervous system is basically on permanent alert, like a smoke detector that won’t stop beeping?

I still have responsibilities.

Students. Work. Life.

And I show up for them.

But showing up and being okay are not the same thing.

The sirens are scary. Of course they are.

But the waiting might be worse.

It’s the quiet where nothing is happening—but it could.

It’s checking your phone without realizing you’re checking........

© The Times of Israel (Blogs)