Lying in bed with a swollen face, I decided that the best thing to do was nothing, so I ended up watching the Duchess of Sussex make smoothies.

I don’t know why everyone is so mean about her Netflix show because it hit the spot for me. As I took to my bed after surgery to take out the old screws and plates in my long-ago broken jaw, everything put me on edge apart from watching Meghan and her lovely way of smiling and smiling as she expressed wonderment at a bunch of grapes, or the way a liquidizer whirred.

As my face swelled and turned some interesting shades of green and yellow, and I wondered if I would ever smile again, there was something absolutely restorative about watching Meghan gasp with enthusiasm about flowers and honey and lettuce. Everything was “amazing!” or “wonderful!”.

Maybe it is, I thought, as the first sun of spring began to shine through the windows, and the builder boyfriend thrashed about in the woodland garden below, on another of his clearing projects.

He traipsed up the stairs dutifully twice a day with bowls of soup for lunch and plates of cottage pie for dinner, bless him.

But, I was thinking, as soon as I’m up and about, I should try to make this Lebanese salad the smiling duchess is making in her perfect pretend kitchen. (Is this what general anaesthetic does to you?)

By day three of lying in bed watching With Love, Meghan while taking strong painkillers, I had........

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