Long before he entered Downing Street, James Callaghan was in the Navy. Like many sailors, he had his arms tattooed. Decades later he regretted the decision, becoming so ashamed of his appearance that he refused to wear short-sleeved shirts. It’s a lesson from which much of modern Britain could learn.

I can’t decide which is more unpleasant: a tattoo on an attractive person or one on a minger

I can’t decide which is more unpleasant: a tattoo on an attractive person or one on a minger

Sometimes I think I’m the last person left in the world without any tattoos. Then I remember Cristiano Ronaldo, who doesn’t have any because he regularly donates blood. You have to wait a certain amount of time before donating (in the UK it’s four months). This would exclude the huge numbers of people who seem to be on a never-ending programme of self-coverage. Everywhere you go you’re confronted by ever-spreading acres of inky flesh, lurid and ornate images despoiling limbs, midriffs, backs, sometimes even faces. And they all look hideous.

Once upon a time tattoos were a rarity. Now, among the young, they’re on the way to becoming the norm. One survey in 2024 found that 31 per cent of UK adults had a tattoo, while another put the figure for 25- to 49-year-olds at 40 per cent. A slightly higher proportion of women than men have them. Between 2014 and 2023 the number of tattoo studios more than doubled, to nearly 3,400. Many also offer tattoo removal. Customers putting themselves under the needle never seem to ask........

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