Now that our politicians have gone on holiday (not that you would notice the difference) it might be a good time to write an end-of-term report on the senior pupils in the Stormont Academy.

There were some excellent results in the Executive. Sinn Féin and the DUP scored top marks in secrecy and broken promises. The First and Deputy First Ministers excelled at having their photographs taken and they received a special award for absolving themselves from responsibility for anything (apart from having their photographs taken).

Agriculture Minister, Andrew Muir, came bottom of the class. He accepted responsibility for tackling Lough Neagh’s pollution and pointed out that his Executive classmates had helped to cause the problem.

Even worse, he breached the Academy motto, Verba non facta (words, not deeds), by producing a plan to tackle the issue. It can only be a matter of time before Mr Muir is expelled.

Brian Feeney: The only way unionists will be reconciled to their diminished position is in a reunited Ireland

Andy Watters: Brazen bigots and ‘gravely concerned’ politicians can’t take the shine off Armagh’s All-Ireland........

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