Fiddling while Rome burns fairly describes the antics of party leaders in the European parliament last week. The EU is under siege from present-day descendants of the Goths, Mongols and Vandals. But what were top MEPs doing? Haggling over who gets which well-padded seat in the European Commission – as if it really matters in a chaotic, predatory world where Europe is a tethered, bleating goat surrounded by wolves.

Vladimir Putin’s Russian horde is advancing from the north, devouring Ukrainian territory and setting the stage for more illegal annexations. To the east, Xi Jinping’s China, leveraging a whopping €292bn (£244bn) annual trade surplus, is playing European divide-and-rule while running aggressive covert intelligence and hacking ops. To the west, after an electoral clean sweep, America’s Vandal-in-chief is itching for a fight.

Mario Draghi, former European Central Bank president, warns that the EU’s “reason for being” is threatened. Yet seemingly oblivious, the commission’s president, Ursula von der Leyen, spent the week bartering with European People’s party leader Manfred Weber and other jockeying politicians. One crucial question exercising these great minds: can Hungary’s Olivér Várhelyi be trusted with animal welfare?

“We are doing politics, sometimes it take a while,” Weber told Politico . An anonymous EU official was less complacent: “We need to live in the real world and get a move on. The US people have given a carte blanche to Trump as we fuck around.” The parliament was elected in June. Von der Leyen was........

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