I imagine the outgoing archbishop of Canterbury doesn’t have a tattoo. But if he did, he’d have that one beloved of so many insouciant people: “ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME.” As it goes, people with this tattoo frequently appear in court. In fact, sentencing guidelines for people with auto-satirical body art is one of only about three subjects that Justin Welby didn’t make some public comment about in his tenure as the archbishop of Canterbury.

But the great pontificator is now turning in his badge and mitre, and yesterday could be found delivering a quite staggeringly tone-deaf final speech as the archbishop of Canterbury in the House of Lords. As a reminder, Welby’s resignation was called for because he definitely knew about victims of John Smyth, a sadistic monster who he had once hugely admired. Smyth’s victims, groomed and horrifically beaten, begged repeatedly – and for years – for an investigation, which the Church of England did not instigate. Many of them now state the church’s ignoring of their trauma was equal to the abuse itself.

And so to Welby’s final speech to the Lords. “If you pity anyone,” he twinkled of his unexpected departure, “pity my poor diary secretary.” Sorry … WHAT? But I’m afraid the archbishop of Banterbury had officially logged on. “My Lords,” ran another gambit. “It is often said, and it is a cliche to say it – but hey, I am the archbishop still – that if you want to make God laugh, make plans. On that basis, next year, I will be causing God more hilarity than anyone else for many years.” I mean, if he was looking for the perfect tone for a farewell that in essence derives from failing to investigate........

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