I read yet another roundup of summer trends last week with narrowed eyes and my traditional wasp-chewing expression of disapproval. We are supposed, apparently, to greet this year’s “wet, brat, hot rat summer” with gladiator mullets, Nigella’s sgroppino gelato and “boat raves”; we should be monetising our feet and chopping wood. I hope you are taking notes.

What gave me wasp-face (surely ripe for inclusion in a summer trend listicle, along with my other key seasonal trends, this and every year: underboob sweat, climate dread, toenail shame and excess........

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