Iran may have reopened the strait of Hormuz, but a global energy crisis has not yet been averted. The war has already damaged as much as $58bn worth of power infrastructure. Even under the best-case circumstances, these could take years to repair.

Luckily, I think I’ve got a way to get us out of this mess. First we invent some sort of large suction device (technical details to be worked out later). Then we turn it on and hoover up all the rage directed at the Duchess of Sussex. Boom, energy crisis solved.

It is extraordinary how, at a moment when international human rights law is being trampled by bloodthirsty men, one of the most disliked people in the world is a somewhat bland woman. The duke and duchess are currently on a tour of Australia which, predictably, is sending certain tabloids into a tailspin. The Daily Mail appears to have published a piece every 10 minutes criticizing everything from Meghan’s Australian outfits (“stiff, impractical, and worst of all, horribly ageing”) to the guestlist for the women’s wellness retreat at which she’s doing a paid meet-and-greet.

This sort of criticism is nothing new for Meghan Markle. Indeed, on Thursday, she spoke about how much online vitriol she’s received while addressing young people affiliated with an Australian mental health organization about the harms of social media. “[E]very day for 10 years, I have been bullied and attacked,” the duchess said. “And I was the most trolled person in the entire world, man or woman.”

She’s not entirely wrong there. I’m no fan of the Sussexes but the amount of rage Meghan inspires is beyond reason. Her dimwitted but affable husband isn’t exactly universally loved either. But, because of good old-fashioned racism and sexism, she provokes a lot more ire than he does. I mean, Harry wore a Nazi uniform for lolz when he was young, and has been forgiven for it. Meanwhile, Meghan only needs to wear a green dress to a Netflix shindig where most people were wearing black to get the tabloids........

© The Guardian