Wow. A standing ovation? Thank you. You're too kind.

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This is so humbling. Had you told me 40 years ago I would be hailed as a fashion icon or celebrated as a pioneer inspiring generations of modern men, I'd have laughed and pulled my beanie further over my head.

So forgive me if I sound a little emotional. It's been (sniff, slight sob) a long journey.

Yes, it was gruelling at times. Mournful mornings staring into the mirror. Dark days enduring cruel barbs and snide remarks. Evenings in the shower watching my youth vanish down the plug hole.

But I persevered. As other men became slaves to fashion, pursuing mullets, ponytails, undercuts and man buns, I stayed true to myself. Never wavering. Never compromising. Never changing my hairstyle.

Never had a choice, actually.

I was barely into my 20s when my hair didn't just start receding. It fled. It began with a tactical retreat around the temples. Then the frontline cruelly collapsed. Before long the few follicular survivors had fled to the sides and deep rear, where a grim but determined resistance movement continues to this day.

It happened so fast there was no chance of a rearguard action. Not even a comb-over. Work colleagues dubbed me Garibaldi. I smiled. Toughed it out. Deep down I knew I wasn't unfashionable. Just ahead of my time.

Now that time has come. We bald men are having our moment.

More than 22,000 people recently attended a London concert, all wearing bald caps in homage to the hairless rapper Pitbull. An English newspaper last month declared "the bald guy summer is here". An American fashion magazine just declared that "the best summer accessory is a shaved head".

Online communities of bald men are thriving around the world. Hundreds of baldies gathered in California last weekend to celebrate the chrome dome look. A Tinder survey found almost half of all single women believe balding or shaven heads make men sexier.

How far we eggheads have come after enduring centuries of bald-shaming. Julius Caesar may once have been the most powerful figure on the planet. But his troops still chanted ribald songs about his thinning scalp. Famously insecure over his disappearing thatch, the Roman emperor dutifully applied Cleopatra's home-made remedy of burned mice, horse teeth and bear fat before gladly accepting the Senate's offer of a laurel wreath to shroud his receding forehead.

Now? Increasing numbers of men with luxuriant hair are shaving their heads trying to masquerade as us.

Please. This blatant example of cultural appropriation would be repugnant if it wasn't so comical. We earned our shiny scalps. These impostors never endured a lifetime of sunburn, hiding from cruel overhead lighting or putting up with barbers........

© The Examiner