They couldn't tell you the last time they attended mass. They never offer a prayer of thanks before a meal. Couldn't name all 12 apostles. And a Hail Mary? Is that a desperate kick in the dying seconds of a football match or that new sci-fi movie starring Ryan Gosling?

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But come next Tuesday these friends of mine - lapsed Catholics one and all - will eagerly record their religion in the census.

This will not be a sudden outbreak of religious fervour. It's about strategy, not salvation. Their only belief is that their children should attend a well-funded private Catholic school.

In the same way they have those kids baptised by a priest, the census is another box to tick.

But at a time when the number of Australians identifying as religious is in freefall, when religion relies more on cultural background than spirituality, why should it play any role in influencing how governments allocate billions of taxpayer dollars on education?

Our retreat from organised religion didn't happen overnight. In the 1971 Census almost nine out of 10 of us identified as Christian. By the last Census in 2021 that figure had roughly halved, with 40 per cent declaring allegiance to no religion at all.

The nation has radically changed. Government policy has not.

Before the angry emails begin: this is not an argument against religion. It's your right to believe in God, Allah, Vishnu, The Flying Spaghetti Monster or the ever popular Jedi Knights from Star Wars.

Religious freedom is one of democracy's greatest achievements and Australians are rightly free to worship in whatever manner they choose.

But in a nation now abandoning the gods it seems absurd that state and federal governments continue funding significant parts of our education system according to the religious affiliation of various schools.

Governments should be neutral on this issue. Their sole responsibility should be funding education, not theology. Chemistry labs deserve taxpayer money, not chapels. Maths before mass. Now there's a bumper sticker ...

The Australian Bureau of Statistics was moving down this path during its preparations for next week's census........

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