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“Hi! I’m so sorry, but I can’t go grocery shopping today anymore. I’ll tag along next time!”

A year ago, receiving a text like this would’ve sent me into a full panic. I would’ve been in a frantic scramble trying to find someone else to come with me, the thought of wandering through Wegmans alone making me want to curl up inside myself. Heaven forbid people from school saw me by myself.

A few days ago, that same text left me feeling even more excited to go pick up my groceries for the week. It’s not that I wasn’t looking forward to spending time with my friend, I would’ve loved to browse while chatting. College often warrants independence and time by yourself, and I’ve come to realize there’s no shame in doing things on your own.

Freshman year, I lived in an open double. Even when I wanted a break from socializing, there was comfort in knowing my roommate was just across the room. Sophomore year, I lived in my sorority house, which was undoubtedly one of the best decisions I made in college. There was no better feeling than knowing that even if I needed space, my closest friends were nearby, including my roommate. The past two years, I’ve lived in apartments where I had my own room but still lived with close friends.

Toward the end of last year, a friend and I were supposed to attend a class event together. The event was open to the campus community, but we were the only ones in our friend group who were able to go. When she got sick the day of, a wave of impending doom washed over me. The thought of going by myself made my skin crawl, and I seriously considered backing out altogether. I was horrified at the mere thought of someone from a class of mine, a mutual friend or even students I’d never met seeing me on my own. I was convinced they’d judge me and assume I had no friends, or think that no one wanted to be there with me.

She explained to me that this is something most people have worried about from time to time. But in all honesty, everyone is always so focused on themselves that they wouldn’t even notice who I was, or wasn’t, with.

“And you know, doing things alone can be really nice.”

Partially inspired, and partially afraid of losing class credit for skipping the event, I walked across campus and shuffled into the packed Schine Student Center. There were tables lined with representatives frantically handing out fliers, pamphlets and swag while reciting their spiels. I looked around apprehensively, scanning the crowd waiting to see a group of girls pointing and laughing at me. But no one did.

College often warrants independence and time by yourself, and I’ve come to realize there’s no shame in doing things on your own.

The feeling of dread slowly dissipated, and by the end of the event, I remember feeling a sort of zen I hadn’t experienced in a while. I spent a lot of time talking to one specific tabler and had a really lovely conversation. Had my friend not been sick, we probably would’ve spent the whole event wandering and waiting for it to be over, and I never would’ve gotten to speak with the table. This realization flipped a switch, and suddenly, the thought of doing things alone seemed to excite me more.

The next week, I needed to go to CVS to grab a few things. I went alone. It was amazing. I got to spend 20 minutes uninterrupted in the body wash aisle, smelling every bottle without feeling rushed.

The week after that, I spent a ridiculous amount of time in Target’s clothing section, and then an even more ridiculous amount of time in the dressing rooms trying on half of its stock.

A few days later, I desperately needed groceries, but my roommates were both busy. It was a Sunday afternoon, which meant basically everyone from school would be there. But the thought of getting to walk up and down every single aisle for as long as I wanted, without worrying about holding anyone up, sounded so euphoric that I found myself driving to Wegmans with a smile on my face.

When I got there, I did see a few mutual friends. We exchanged hellos, and when they asked if I was there alone, I replied yes, feeling slightly nervous at how they’d respond. But to my surprise, they smiled and said, “Wow, that sounds really nice.”

I won’t say doing things alone isn’t jarring the first time, because it definitely is. But give it a try, because you may appreciate the quality time with yourself that you never had before.

Gracie Lebersfeld is a senior majoring in selected studies in education and creative writing. She can be reached at gmlebers@syr.edu.

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