I want to join all the public transport fare evasion, but just can’t deal with the stress

August 30, 2026 — 6:00am

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I trundle up the tram steps, look around for a vacant seat. A few sets of eyes avert from phones to me and back to their phones.

The tram eventually empties and I grab a seat.

Then, as if making a last-ditch qualification bid for the Aussie sprint squad at the Glasgow Commonwealth Games, those same people sprint to the door, furtively looking for the next stop.

It’s then I clock the ticket inspectors, known in the bureaucracy as authorised officers, moving in packs.

The fare evaders are a mixed bunch. Some appear to be students, others sharp in business attire.

After two months of free tram travel across April and May, I realise I’ve missed this regular spectacle. My second Melbourne spectator sport, after AFL, is observing people on public transport.

Don’t get me wrong. I get no joy from seeing people interrogated and fined.

I have a complicated relationship with public transport fares. I never got over the axing of the Zone 1 short trip fare circa 2003, which robbed inner-city dwellers who rode just a few stops of a cheaper trip. I cycled to work for the best part of two decades in protest. The upside was that I got to childcare faster than by the tram, avoiding the late pick-up fee.

But these days I’m back using........

© The Age