At some point, about a kilometer into the run, everything suddenly got wet. I was keeping an 11-minute pace as I plodded down the Embarcadero; Cupid’s Span, that enormous bow and arrow sculpture, was visible ahead. I had just forced myself to swallow the last bite of my first Crunchwrap Supreme, and two more bounced threateningly in the waxy brown bag. 

It all came at once: the sweat, the snot and the saliva, which tasted like cheese. Suddenly, my body seemed to be leaking from every opening. My Crunchwraps, too, were leaking. The constant jostling had aged them tremendously in just 15 minutes; the reduced-fat sour cream had leaked out of their apertures and was now painting the inside of the bag. Neither my body nor these industrial grade food items were built for this. Reaching my hand into the bag for my second Crunchwrap Supreme, I felt like a bear pawing a sticky beehive. Two more miles to go.

Normal people might be surprised to learn that Taco Bell and running can go together. One San Francisco runner designed a Taco Bell marathon, which stopped at every Taco Bell within city limits. There’s an annual, 50-kilometer Taco Bell ultramarathon in Denver. And in 2024, five locals attempted a Taco Bell triathlon.

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SFGATE culture reporter Timothy Karoff orders some food from a kiosk at the Taco Bell Cantina on Third Street in San Francisco on Jan. 21, 2026.

SFGATE culture reporter Timothy Karoff holds up a Crunchwrap Supreme he will eat while running a 5K, which starts at the Taco Bell Cantina on Third Street in San Francisco, on Jan. 21, 2026.

Last week, a new Taco Bell Cantina  — it’s like a normal Taco Bell, but it serves alcohol — opened in Fisherman’s Wharf. This, everyone decided, was a big deal. On opening day, Mayor Daniel Lurie vlogged outside the restaurant, brown paper bag in hand, and declared that the fast food restaurant would “bring some renewed energy” to the city. Hundreds of people lined up on the opening day, because society is sort of sick in the head like that.  

As the new restaurant was gearing up to open, someone on Reddit made a discovery. Traveling along the Embarcadero, the cantina in Fisherman’s Wharf was exactly 5 kilometers away from the city’s other Taco Bell Cantina near Oracle Park. One could theoretically run a Taco Bell 5K. This seemed worth an experiment. 

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Compared to a marathon, a 5K is not very impressive, so my editors and I banged our heads........

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