I have made all these decisions: to live as a writer — my decision. To bootstrap a software — my decision. Each non-revenue-producing moment has been by my own hand.

I accepted that, as an artist, I may never have a Mercedes or a Prada bag. I accepted that, as an entrepreneur, at least at the beginning, I would need to put money into my business that might otherwise be a down payment on a nice house. To not buy luxury or marble, I was ready for, and accepted.

And yet. I missed in those early days a consequence that has snuck up on me in mid-life: how much I really hate making less money than my friends.

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A friend group forms a community, and at best, a kind of family, which means your resources pool. By simply being a part of it, at least for now, I make the pool smaller than, say, an accountant friend would. (But of course, I tell better stories.) This bothers me, this sense that I drag the group down.

A social psychologist would say, “Ah yes, equity theory.” This means we strive for fairness in our relationships, that we want to feel an easy balance between what we get out of it and what we put in. Both giving more than you get and getting more than you give in a relationship can lead to loneliness.

My friends, who have killed it in their careers and are doing well, I'm so glad to report, have been nothing but supportive. They would say, don’t worry about it.

But there are standard exchanges, the dinner party, the birthday gift, the place to stay,........

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