Why Relationships Matter

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Knowing why you stay is only the beginning.

Staying and leaving both involve pain, and both can be part of healing.

Choosing yourself can lead to lasting change.

If you currently find yourself in a relationship where conflict has become the norm, moments of peace are short-lived, and anxiety feels like your baseline, chances are you're exhausted. But you are not alone.

Over the years, I've worked with many clients who come to therapy feeling trapped in a toxic relationship pattern, hoping to find a way off the roller coaster of emotions.

"Things will be great for a while," someone will say. "I'll start thinking everything is okay. But then, boom! Something happens. We have a huge fight, things get heated, and I'll tell myself I'm really 'done.' But after a few days of silence, I start feeling like my whole life is falling apart and that they've really left me. I'm sick to my stomach, like I can't breathe. Then we make up, and the relief is so intense that I almost forget how awful it was… until it happens again. What is wrong with me?"

I've heard so many versions of this cycle. Frustrated and confused, these clients seek therapy ready to work on themselves in the hopes of feeling better and, eventually, leaving the relationship. And even though many want an overnight "aha" moment, we spend a good amount of time first exploring why they stay, as opposed to why they don't leave.

Why Can’t I Just Walk Away?

Not understanding why you feel so powerless to leave can take a tremendous toll on your mental health because it means you're constantly judging yourself for staying despite the harm. That's why answering this question is so important and a crucial part of the healing process.

It's familiar. As painful as the relationship may be, it's a pain you know. You know what to expect. Walking away means........

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