The day after my now-husband and I got engaged, we found ourselves talking frankly about what would happen if we ever got divorced. How would it unfold? Would it be different if we had children? We were studying families and couples in our graduate program, and we knew too much to pretend divorce would never happen to us.

I have reflected on that moment often in the last 15 years. Even though it felt kind of unconventional at the time, it showed the kind of couple we were going to be – grounded and realistic – and also very much in love.

In American (and other Western) cultures, we are flooded with messages that romantic love is unconditional – once we choose a partner and commit to them, the love between us will be there no matter what. We expect love to carry us through life’s tough spots and smooth over our personal shortcomings.

Unfortunately, this rarely holds up to the tests couples endure as they share a life. Even joyful and welcome transitions like becoming parents, moving for new opportunities, or developing as individuals can strain our relationships. The belief in unconditional romantic love may be one expression of a broader........

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