What would you do if you were irritated that your partner forgot about an important commitment, yet again? Maybe you'd tell yourself, “It’s not a big deal, don’t bring it up.” But when it happens for the third time, you explode, and your partner hears about everything you’ve held back for the past year. Or, you never put words to your frustrations; instead, they accumulate inside, fueling a resentment that grows so strong that you end up asking yourself why you no longer want to touch your partner.

Talking about your feelings is hard. Especially if you’ve had experiences that have left you feeling it isn’t safe to express your emotions or needs. These experiences often come from our childhood relationships with caregivers but can also happen in previous adult relationships. You may have learned not to express your feelings at all if your feelings were continually responded to with dismissiveness, criticism, or anger. This could have sounded like:

“You shouldn’t feel that way. Look on the bright side.”
“Oh there you go complaining again, why can’t you just be happy?”
“You are so sensitive.”
“Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about!”
“What about me,........

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