Do you ever attempt to change your partner?

Perhaps you tell them you can no longer tolerate how they are always thinking out loud while you’re trying to draft important documents. That annoying habit of theirs not only drives you batty, it also distracts you from getting your work done.

Or maybe in a fit of frustration you urge them to start hitting the gym instead of loafing around or lounging on the sofa night after night channel-surfing. As an avid fitness buff, you can’t fathom how anyone wouldn’t want to engage in a daily exercise routine. And you plead with them to start right away.

Does any of this resonate with you? If you’re like most couples you’ve likely tried to change your partner at least once, if not dozens—maybe even hundreds—of times. And how does that usually turn out?

Regardless of your specific situation and your partner’s personal quirks, whatever change you seek—whether it’s stopping or starting a particular behavior—the odds are you likely fall flat on your face.

No amount of begging, demanding, or forcing seems to change your partner. And if there is any glimmer of change, it is usually short-lived.

As a result, you end up feeling less satisfied with your partner and your relationship. Additionally, your partner feels worse as well. They don’t like being ordered around and may believe they’re not “good enough” in your eyes.

In fact, researchers have found that when we’re repeatedly asked to change, it can lead to intense negative emotions, including feelings of........

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