Why Relationships Matter

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In love relationships, self-doubt—fed by disappointment—fosters negative judgments of partners.

Conflating disappointment and betrayal is a potent polarizing force in love.

In polarized relationships, both partners often feel judged, unsupported, and gaslit.

What’s amazed me in the past decade of work with distressed couples is the degree to which polarization—with its disdain for alternative perspectives and compromise and its conspicuous intolerance and readiness to condemn—has infected committed relationships. Partners sound more like fractious lawyers arguing cases than lovers desiring reconciliation.

Polarization in love relationships goes well beyond the relatively uncommon occurrence of a progressive partner married to a conservative. In love........

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