My last post described a drill-down process as a route to authenticity. Drilling down involves an examination of the perceptions, coping habits, core emotions, assumptions, beliefs, judgments, and values that underlie feelings. When these align, authenticity is automatic. When they don’t, authenticity is lacking. That's when a drill down is necessary.

Amanda was a 30-year-old woman who suffered from severe anxiety and despair, with occasional thoughts of suicide. She was the mother of a special needs child but could find no meaning or joy in parenting. Her husband of 10 years had mental health issues coupled with substance abuse. He separated from her in response to her continual shaming, which she acknowledged but insisted was justified.

These were her opening words in treatment:

“I am at the end of my strength. I feel numb, worthless, stupid, used, and unloved. I will try to stay calm and not reach out any more out of despair, because I just end up at the mercy of someone who is always protecting himself and not showing up for us.

"I am done, I am broken. He knew from my life history that I could not take abandonment, that it would destroy me. I do not only wish I was dead, I suspect that in many ways I am. I spend many hours just staring at a wall. I do the bare necessity chores and take care of our daughter as well as I can. If I turn off the ‘numbing’ for a few hours, it’s very messy and can contain howling and........

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