Most people think they want a “nice” romantic partner. Being nice suggests that a person is considerate and agreeable—what’s not to like? Niceness in a partner can be appealing at first, preventing friction and making them easy to be around.

But some behavior comes at the cost of more desirable attributes, such as genuine kindness or authenticity—both of which will sometimes clash with playing nice.

Beware of these behaviors in a current or potential partner.

It’s one thing to care about your well-being, and another to monitor your moods constantly trying to make sure you’re OK. It can be exhausting and stifling to feel like your partner always has their finger on the pulse of your emotions—and isn’t comfortable with your sadness, anger, guilt, or disappointment. Their discomfort often turns into an unspoken demand that you have to cheer up in order to put them at ease.

Disagreements and arguments are difficult parts of a relationship, so you’ll probably appreciate it (at least at first) if your partner avoids conflict with you. They may seem super low-maintenance and won’t bring up difficult topics that are likely to trigger tension.

However, constructive conflict is essential for a healthy relationship, just as crops need both sunshine and rain. Otherwise........

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