I am a lucky person when it comes to having schizophrenia. Antipsychotics work so well for me that over the course of more than two decades, I have never had a psychotic break while on an antipsychotic. In fact, I haven’t experienced any symptoms of schizophrenia either while on medication over the past 25 years. However, I recently switched antipsychotics to an unusual one to try alleviating a side effect, while also experiencing a particularly stressful period of my life. I suddenly had some auditory hallucinations that made me concerned and alarmed. For the first time in my life, I experienced something that has never happened to me while on an antipsychotic, where I knew I had to tell my psychiatrist in order to best prevent another psychotic break from happening.

I had mixed emotions about contacting my psychiatrist, even though he’s the best psychiatrist I’ve ever had, and I’ve been going to him for 12 years, ever since I had my last psychotic break. We trust each other, and he’s always made good decisions for me. Yet, I still fell into common mental traps about admitting my concerns to myself and reporting them to a medical professional.

You don’t want to admit to yourself that you could be relapsing, because it means so much to all of us to think we have recovered, have made so much progress, and will never have to go back to that level of pain and personal damage. Part of feeling normal and good about yourself is this belief that the unfortunate period of your life is totally over and there is no reason to fear that it could all happen again. That’s how so many of us keep going and believe in ourselves again. You can’t bear........

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