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Enmeshment is when the boudaries between two individuals become blurred.

Driven by anxiety, each is highly sensitive to the moods of the other, often leading to overresponsibility.

The antidotes are assessing changes in the relationship, not walking on eggshells, and setting boundaries.

Ali and Tom have been married for several years now. Ali is very sensitive to Tom’s feelings, to the point that if Tom seems in a bad mood, it lowers Ali’s mood. On Tom’s side, he’s aware of how anxious he gets when Ali is struggling emotionally or with a problem. He feels the need to help Ali feel better or to help solve the problem.

Ali and Tom are enmeshed.

Anatomy of enmeshment

Salvador Minuchin, one of the grandfathers of family therapy, coined the term enmeshment to describe relationships with blurred emotional boundaries. The governing motto is: I’m happy if you’re happy. But upon closer inspection, here are some characteristics of enmeshment:

You are highly sensitive to each other’s emotions.

Their bad day becomes yours. If Tom seems withdrawn at a party, it can kill Ali’s enjoyment too.

The dynamic becomes overresponsible and enabling.

Just as Ali becomes hypersensitive to Tom’s mood at the party, Tom can become........

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