Many couples who show up for couple therapy are at the end of their rope. Problems and resentments have been piling up for years. The partner most distressed has a host of complaints and a heavy dose of fed-up-ness and is either saying, “We have one chance to turn this around,” or “I’m done and want a separation or divorce.” Their partner may or may not know things were not good, but they often feel sidewinded by both their partner's anger and their complaints: Why are you now bringing up Christmas 2015? Why are you talking now about something that happened 20 years ago?

Why now rather than before is a good question. The tipping point doesn’t come suddenly, but usually after years of frustration, strategizing, and biting tongues. Here are the seven stages to eventually reaching that bottom line:

You’re dating. Henry is always running late and is disorganized; Sarah has a hard time following through on what she says she’s........

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