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Whatever the situation, endings can stir grief and loss, and with them often grief over older losses.

We automatically envelop the loss in a story that makes sense to us but can be damaging to our self-esteem.

The keys include acknowledging the loss, being careful about the story, and moving forward with a new chapter.

Our lives are made up of endings: the end of childhood, of a marriage, a job, a dream. Some are obviously heavier and have more impact—a divorce, the loss of a parent, retirement. Others seem lighter—the friend who has seemed to fade away; the casual or serious relationship that mutually dissolved; the job layoff that was long expected. But regardless of the circumstances, the details, the cause, or the process, endings still create an emotional effect. All endings have a few things in common.

I’ve worked with many unfortunate victims of abusive relationships. While they are always relieved to have escaped their ordeal, a deeper look often reveals an underlying sense of loss. Loss isn’t only about the quality or nature of the relationship; it’s about attachment. We get attached to relationships that are familiar and bring a sense of safety or caring, even intermittently—whether it's a longstanding partner, a casual dating relationship, or even objects like clothes or books. When they’re gone, we grieve, even if........

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